


Her Balaclava is Starting to Chafe

by kyokudokansou



Category: So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Protests, Student Protests
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyokudokansou/pseuds/kyokudokansou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taeyeon was not a conflictive person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue / Change in Pressure

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first attempt at fanfiction, and my overall first attempt at writing in a really long time, so I really would appreciate any input anybody might have.
> 
> The setting of the story is loosely based on the worldwide student protests of 1968.
> 
> (Also, a big thank you to all the wonderful writers in AO3, who inspired me to try my hand at this!)

_Prologue_

Taeyeon was not a conflictive person. Quite the opposite, actually. She did everything in her power to stand out as little as possible, to remain invisible in light of any sign of conflict. It was not so much that she was anti-social (because she wasn’t; she thought she enjoyed a fairly healthy social life), but she found it easier to appease others whenever faced with a potential argument. For this same reason, Taeyeon had left a generally positive impression with almost everybody she met.

Everybody, of course, but herself.

A bad breakup in the summer before university had only made matters worse. The extremely tumultuous nature of a two-year high school relationship with an American girl had eliminated any sort of solidity in Taeyeon’s confidence. And so, now entering her first year in a prestigious private university in the middle of the country’s largest city, she decided to make it a point to live a much calmer existence to her high school days. She wanted no surprises, no drama, no hurt. If she could do this, Taeyeon thought, the road ahead would be devoid of bumps, and she would be happy.

“I don’t think that’s going to work,” Soonkyu said.

Taeyeon turned from the window to her best friend, sitting across the table. They were sitting at a booth near the corner of their favourite restaurant, as per usual. An outdated pop song played quietly from the restaurant’s speakers, which Taeyeon hummed to here and there. Here was where they came to have any sort of conversation that was deemed important. Taeyeon did not even need to ask Soonkyu about it. The summer was drawing to a close, and knowing that they were going to be living in separate cities starting the school year, Soonkyu was naturally worried about her.

“Why do you say that?” Taeyeon asked, curious, but overall not surprised at the reaction.

Soonkyu took a sip from her water, drew a small sigh, and looked up at Taeyeon.

“Tae, not for nothing, but you always do this.” Taeyeon narrowed her eyes, and Soonkyu went on. “You always come up with this…ideal version of yourself that you try your hardest to be like. You know? You give yourself a specific set of rules or guidelines to follow as a person, and if you ever fall short of that, you put yourself down for it.”

“Right,” Taeyeon responded cautiously. “I want to know what I’m about. Then, whenever anything comes my way, I can judge if it’s good or bad for me, and I’ll be able to steer clear of trouble.”

Listening to herself, Taeyeon thought that she might be not only trying to convince Soonkyu of this, but also herself. This was, after all, her new plan, her new mantra. She had to hear it herself just as many times for it to finally settle in.

“Right,” Soonkyu repeated, bordering sarcasm. “That’s a nice ideal to have, but you’re missing the point.”

The waiter arrived with their food, setting a bowl of hot noodles in front of both girls. Visibly relieved, Taeyeon thanked him for the food and began eating without hesitation. Soonkyu drew another sigh, heavily this time, and broke her chopsticks apart. They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“When are you leaving again?” Taeyeon asked, taking a sudden break from her food.

“In two weeks, Sunday.” Soonkyu responded, looking up from her bowl.

Taeyeon bit her lip. As much as she thought she was getting better, having Soonkyu around had been tremendous help this summer. The girl had gone lengths to get Taeyeon out of bed every day since the breakup, and although that was probably no longer necessary, Taeyeon still felt a great deal stronger whenever Soonkyu was around. The prospect of living in separate places so soon scared her, and it felt real now more than ever.

Soonkyu must have read her mind. She reached out and held Taeyeon’s hand.

“Don’t worry, I’m a phone call away. Call me, Skype me, text me, I’ll always be around. Plus, we’re only a couple of hours away, we can always take the train and meet up on the weekends.”

Taeyeon nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Anyway, back to what I was saying before. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but whenever you set these kinds of…personality goals for yourself, you end up making a mess out of your emotions. You did it with Tiffany (Taeyeon couldn’t help but flinching at the mention of the name) and I honestly can’t see you not doing it again.” Taeyeon took an uneasy breathe. Soonkyu waited a few seconds to continue, her features softened. “Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t aspire to have a simple life. In fact, that’s probably what you need. What I’m saying is that it probably won’t be easy as you want it to be, and when it gets tough again, you will need to relax. You’ll make a lot of mistakes Taeyeon, and that’s okay. Your life won’t be a smooth, straight road just because you want it to be.”

Taeyeon again nodded, and swallowed hard. Her mouth felt dry, but she felt strange comfort in Soonkyu advice. She turned towards the window again. Summer was visibly dying. Not in any physical, obvious way like changes in the weather or the date on the calendar but in a much more subtle way. People carried gentler faces, resigning themselves from a summer that will now be only a memory, something to talk about in thin cardigans whilst having seasonal drinks. Taeyeon wouldn’t be talking about it, though. To her, that blissful summer had lasted two years, and the fall was ushering in a new era for her. Whether she was going to succeed in living peacefully, she didn’t know. Maybe Soonkyu was right. Either way, she wanted no part of the past.

“Okay,” she said after a moment. “I’ll try.”

 

_Chapter I_

Taeyeon’s plans for an uneventful university life were spoiled from the very beginning. She had vaguely heard about the protests online, how a large portion of students in her new university had refused to take their final exams and, although it wasn’t covered much by the press, riot police had been sent to protect the graduation ceremonies. She could not imagine why any of this would happen and, given how depressed she had been over the summer, she had cared very little for it. On campus, however, she found it difficult to ignore the tense atmosphere. Students walked around in crimson headbands and armbands displaying a symbol in black embroidery. Some handed out flyers riling the students up to join their cause. More unsettling even were the ones walking around the main square, carrying ominous banners with characters making demands of the university written in heavy black strokes. They way they reiterated the banner’s message in strong, confident voices made Taeyeon feel like she was somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be. All she wanted was peace and quiet, the opposite to her radical peers. She thanked the stars that her roommate, an athletic girl from a city north of the university, shared the same apathy and confusion over the unrest.

“My brother won’t shut up about it either.” her roommate told her, arranging some books on her desk while Taeyeon looked at the demonstrations outside their 4th floor window.

“Really? Do you know what they’re about?” Taeyeon asked.

Her roommate shrugged. “I don’t know the specifics, but apparently there was a conflict with the medical students and the university refuses to hear them out. I don’t know. It’s happening all over the country though. Like I said, my brother won’t shut up about it, he’s part of a protesting group himself at his university. My parents are furious.”

Taeyeon plopped onto her bed and gave a sarcastic laugh. “Great. The last thing I needed was the university falling apart before we even start classes,” she bit her lip, and mulled over something for a few seconds before turning to her roommate. “I know we just met, but I’ll tell you right out of the bat that I didn’t have the greatest summer, and I’m really trying to get away from that.”

Her roommate sat on her bed next to her and flashed a bright, reassuring grin. “Hey, no worries, you have me. I could give a shit about whatever they’re protesting about. Let’s just pretend the we’re not apparently oppressed and have fun.”

Taeyeon sat up and shot her roommate a grin back.

“Thanks,” She said. “That sounds great. I’ll try not to be a downer for you.”

Her roommate gave short laugh, and began walking towards the door.

“Please, after my brother, anybody else’s idea of cynicism is a bright and sunny day. Speaking of, I gotta go call my mom. She wants to make sure I’m not tearing down the establishment or whatever.”

She turned around at the door and gave Taeyeon a friendly wink.

“Yeah, you should do that. By the way, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember what your name is. I’m bad at that stuff,” she said, obviously embarrassed.

“Yuri. Kwon Yuri.” she said, with a laugh. Taeyeon thought that maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

“Right, nice to meet you, Kwon Yuri.”

“Nice to meet you too, Kim Taeyeon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuri turned out to be the best thing to have happened to Taeyeon since moving in to the dorms. The girl had an impeccable schedule, exercised every day, ate healthily, was hardly ever in a bad mood, and still found time to go out. Taeyeon had none of these qualities, but she figured it would be easier to start actually taking care of herself with such a good example to follow.

“She sounds nice. Maybe you should date her,” Soonkyu told her over the phone, nonchalantly.

“No, I don’t think I would. She’s been super nice to me, and she’s my only friend here so far. I don’t think I want to ruin that with a relationship. I don’t think she’s into girls, anyway.”

“Is she not cute, or something?” Soonkyu responded.

“Are you even listening?” Taeyeon responded, rolling her eyes. No, Yuri being cute was definitely not the problem. Taeyeon had not missed her roommate’s toned features, and being that they lived together, she got the best view of them. Regimental exercising had done the girl wonders, and her daily early-morning yoga routine had kept her body well-defined, most noticeably, her abs. What was more, Yuri was also beautiful. She had a round face, warm with large eyes, and the most welcoming smile. So, as unaffected as Taeyeon liked to think she was, she could hardly help peeking over her book when her roommate came back from the showers for the first time, hair still wet over her tshirt and short pyjama shorts. Even still, Taeyeon never felt any sort of urgency to be with Yuri. The immediate bond they had formed since they met seemed to have bypassed any sort of romantic possibility in Taeyeon’s head. And she was pretty cool with that. Better stay away from any potential drama, she reasoned.

Taeyeon might not share Yuri’s healthy lifestyle, but where she lacked in that department she compensated with her tidiness. Therefore, she had gone some lengths in making her dorm room a quiet, peaceful place. When she had arrived, her room was, at best, nothing much to look at. There were two plain wood-frame beds built over simple dressers, two writing desks with built-in shelves for books, and a small walk-in closet. The walls looked recently painted over (Taeyeon thought she could detect q faint smell of paint) and, with their drab cream colour coupled the floor’s grey, lacquered look, the room made one feel as if this was more of a sanatorium than student housing. Still, Taeyeon had an eye for design (it came with being an architecture student), and she sought out to making this room her own little space.

She ended up using the room’s simplicity in her favour. Over her bed, which was placed against the left wall between the desk and the walk-in closet, she hung three of her own sketches, all done in pencil, so that the dark of the graphite would be accentuated against the bareness of the wall. On the small stretch of wall left between the left wall and the closet door, she hung a black-and-white framed schematic of the New York City subway system, a design she had always admired. To add a bit more atmospheric lighting, she hung a string of white Christmas lights along the length of her side of the ceiling, casting a charming spotlight to each of her drawings. Once hung, she gave the five items a careful, critical look before deciding she was satisfied. That would be enough for walled decor, she thought.

 

Next up was her desk. Thankfully, both the desk and the chair were made out of light wood, and their design wasn’t completely awful. She could work with that. Underneath her chair she placed a black, plush carpet which complemented both the wood’s and the floor’s colours. On her desk, the first thing she made sure to have room for was a gridded drawing board. This was a smaller issue than what was asked by her school, but she bought this one extra in case she decided to work in her room instead of the drawing rooms. She also placed a small four-by-four cubbie containing all her stationary and working materials, with a framed picture of her family on top. She added a stylish desk lamp and a few of her favourite novels in the corner. Finally, she placed all of her textbooks, sketchbooks, and notebooks on the desk’s built-in shelves in height order. Her workspace was specially important to her. She spent a considerable amount of her life sitting a desk—in front of a sketchbook or a computer—she had to make sure she felt comfortable. Giving this next part of her dorm a long glance, she nodded in approval.

Sad, she thought, that her one attribute she was most proud was her ability to organise a desk.

“You’re wicked smart, aren’t you?” Yuri asked her, after giving her roommate’s efforts an impressed once-over.

Taeyeon’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Please don’t take offense to this, your designs are beautiful and they deserve to be up there, but your only other decoration is a subway map. I was about to hang a poster of a boy-band.”

Taeyeon threw her head back in laughter. _God, I must look like such an asshole._

“Yeah, I guess your earthly interests really don’t match up to my chic, cool-art-student standards.” Taeyeon jabbed, dramatically raising her hands and shoulders in fake resignation.

“Screw you,” Yuri returned, laughing, “They’re hot. You’ll thank me when you can’t sleep. Just turn in my direction.”

Yeah, that will surely put her to sleep, Taeyeon thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon enough, classes started.

Taeyeon, being an architecture student, did not have any classes with her roommate, who was studying nutrition science. She had submitted her housing forms late (another result of her shitty summer), so she had not gotten the opportunity to get placed in a room with someone in a similar field. Obviously, this had turned out to be a good thing, given her excellent friendship with Yuri. However, this also meant that she had to go to her classes alone. She wished this wasn’t as hard to do, but social interactions came difficult to her nowadays.

Her first class was a standard college writing class, with a relatively small amount of students. She could’ve easily been with Yuri in this class, but the other girl had her introductory major class at that time, which left Taeyeon alone. She decided preemptively to sit near the back. She had good sight and a good ear, so sitting far away from the board wouldn’t be a problem. The roster displayed around twenty-five kids registered for the class, more than enough to hide behind of.

When she entered the classroom some ten minutes before her lecture, her professor was already there, along with some other early birds chatting quietly. She bowed to her professor, flashing her best smiling, and walked for the back row. _No_ , _the back is the immediate destination of the apathetic, that might give off a bad impression_. _Second to last row looks okay. It does, yeah._ She bit her lip, and finally sat down.

She felt somewhat awkward sitting alone when everybody else was involved in light conversation around her. The fact that she was idly sitting at her desk, staring straight ahead with nothing to do heightened this feeling. She did, however, spot a couple of kids quietly on their laptops or listening to music, just as alone as she was. _Not a bad idea,_ she thought, and turned the volume up on her own phone. A cool, mid-tempo indie song eased her nerves as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _You’ll be fine, Taeyeon, just relax._

She opened her eyes moments later to a sudden influx of students. She quickly removed her headphones and placed them in her bag. She eyed the crowd that was settling at the tables around her, all looking like regular college students to her. Some found friends and quickly gathered in groups, others like her sat in the remaining empty seats. To some relief, the only person to sit at her long table was a guy who took a chair a few spaces away from her, and did not look too interested in conversation. Taeyeon pursed her lips, shrugged internally, and began drawing pointless lines in her notebook, awaiting the beginning of class. Looking up, she spotted her professor having a conversation with a tall girl she recognized from her dorm building. She had a round, almost chubby face with equally full lips that gave you the impression of her being younger than she probably was. They both gave a light-hearted laugh, and she bowed deeply to him, seemingly wrapping up the conversation. She made a beeline for her front-row seat, and gave the professor her undivided attention after opening her notebook. _Kiss-ass_.

She watched the few stragglers walk in as her professor erased the notes on the board from the previous class. Taeyeon knew she wasn’t necessarily interested in becoming involved with anybody so soon after the breakup, but she also knew that it was impossible to halt her attraction for people. So when she watched her fellow students take their seats, she kept a secret admiring eye to anybody she found attractive. Nothing wrong with that, she thought. The class contained a few cute girls. The girl sitting next to kiss-ass on the front row, for example, had caught Taeyeon’s eye. An even taller, skinny girl with cute bangs, tan skin, and an expensive-looking outfit, her and kiss-ass seemed to be friends, perhaps roommates. _Maybe I’ll sit closer to the front next time_. Taeyeon smiled at her own thoughts, smoldering a mischievous giggle that would’ve attracted much unwanted attention. You’re incorrigible, she heard Soonkyu saying somewhere.

Once the class had settled down, all that could be heard was muffled conversation. Only a few students were now walking in. Taeyeon thought that she could use this opportunity to steal a glance towards the whole class (including the cute girl in the front) if we could get to the small garbage can near the front of the room. She opened her backpack and searched for a pack of candy she had brought. She plopped a piece into her mouth, and got up to throw the wrapper away. On her way there, she shot quick glances to as many students as she could, taking a mental note of everybody. Once she threw the wrapper the trash can, she deliberately stood ground there, pretending to have noticed something in her hands, and then she turned in the direction of the front row. For a moment, she locked eyes with the girl sitting next to kiss-ass. She tried to give what she hoped would be a good, confident smile, but she thought it probably ended up being the cheesiest one she could muster, and almost immediately looked down. _God, I suck so hard at this_.

“Could you close the door before you take a seat, young lady?”

Taeyeon almost jumped at the sound of her professor’s voice. “Close the door?” her professor nodded, with an amused smile. “Yes, sir. Of course.” A couple of kids near the front laughed amicably, but she already felt the heat rising up to her cheeks. _Smooth, Kim Taeyeon_.

Just as she made to close the door, a group of four students hurried inside. This group was obviously different than the rest of the students. The four, for starters, wore those unmistakable crimson armbands with the black embroidery. The mere sight of them made Taeyeon’s chest clench.

“Oh, alright. Just in time, guys.” her professor called out, eyebrow quirked in obvious amusement.

Taeyeon moved aside to let the students in. She tried to keep her sight away from them, almost in spite of their rebellious affiliation. She had no aversions to their freedom of protesting, but she couldn’t help but to feel that their unrest was a personal attack towards her peace of mind. She knew that this was ridiculous. Still, she could not bring herself to associate with them. One by one, she stole quick glances at each of them. Three men, one whom she knew was also an architecture major, and one woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Try as she might have, Taeyeon would not be able to bring her look down from what was meant to be a quick glance at the woman. She found her beautiful almost the second she saw her, and much more than that. Her, sauntering in the classroom with a look that swayed between apathy and confidence like a quiet, imaginary pendulum. The way she barely turned her steely eyes at Taeyeon when she passed her by, and how she mumbled a barely audible apology to her professor for being late, and how she, along with her compatriots, sat at the last row, right behind Taeyeon, and almost immediately broke into conspiratorial whispering. An air that Taeyeon would have found infuriating on literally anybody else, but not with this girl.

Taeyeon would return to her seat and, in her own pendular mind, her focus oscillated between the professor’s voice and the higher-pitched whispers of the woman behind her.


	2. Sitting With a Girl, Fortunate Placing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a very rare occasion when Taeyeon would be in a train or subway car with a friend. Even in high school, Soonkyu and her rarely ever took trips into the city together. Whenever they did, her friend preferred taking her car and going through the frustrating process of finding a parking space, arguing that she felt more at peace not having a ‘last train to catch’.  
> Taeyeon never argued, she enjoyed their car rides together, and plus it ensured leaving her train rides as solitary and peaceful as she liked them.  
> Today, however, she rode the train with Yuri, and Taeyeon had half-expected this to be the opportunity where the two girls would get to know each other. Not superficially, as they had done these past two weeks, but in a way two people traveling a distance, any distance, would. Much like Soonkyu and her had during those car rides.

On the second weekend after classes began, Taeyeon and Yuri decided to take a day for themselves and forget about school. Not that classes had been particularly stressful up to that point, but midterm season approached fast, and they were well aware this would be their only opportunity to cleanse and recharge for the oncoming storm.

They woke early that morning, and took an express train headed for the park near the piers. Taeyeon, for as long as she could remember, had liked trains above any other form of transportation. In fact, she loved everything about them. She loved their efficiency, human ingenuity in the form of tunnels and railways. She loved the muffled clanking of the wheels against rusty rails. She loved the soothing sway of the moving cars as they carried her across her city, rocking her to sleep. Even in rush hour, when bodies would be packed so tightly together that she would hardly be able to breathe, Taeyeon would’ve taken it over a boring taxicab any day.

Admittedly, though, what she enjoyed the most about trains was the incomparable ability to just let go that they offered her. Not quite either her home or a workplace, a train ride provided the perfect purgatorial haven she craved. There, she could let her shoulders drop, turn the volume of her music way up, and be free to let her mind wander wherever she wished. Sometimes she would read a book, other times she would catch up on sleep, but more often than not she found herself aimlessly gazing out the cars’ windows, admiring whatever cityscape lay before her. Even when underground, she loved looking out into the tunnels’ dark, seemingly never-ending void. She often wished she could explore those tunnels beyond the confinements of the car.

It was a very rare occasion, however, when she would be in a train or subway car with a friend. Even in high school, Soonkyu and her rarely ever took trips into the city together. Whenever they did, her friend preferred taking her car and going through the frustrating process of finding a parking space, arguing that she felt more at peace not having a ‘last train to catch’. Taeyeon never argued, she enjoyed their car rides together, and plus it ensured leaving her train rides as solitary and peaceful as she liked them. Today, however, she rode the train with Yuri, and Taeyeon had half-expected this to be the opportunity where the two girls would get to know each other. Not superficially, as they had done these past two weeks, but in a way two people traveling a distance, any distance, would. Much like Soonkyu and her had during those car rides.

As if to confirm this suspicion, Yuri asked during their ride, somewhat cautiously, who the person was that Taeyeon was texting. The person who had almost instantly drawn a weary sigh out of her.

“It’s…someone from high school.” Taeyeon replied, already aware of how forced her response was.

Yuri made a face. She had never heard Taeyeon deflect a question quite like that before—so clearly unsure of herself. “Someone from high school…whom I assume is the reason for your not-so-stellar summer,” she treaded carefully.

“I…” Taeyeon thought hard. Yuri didn’t even know about her history yet. She decided to be vague, for now. “We…didn’t really see eye-to-eye near the end. It was kinda messy.”

“Boyfriend?” Taeyeon guessed Yuri hadn’t seen the name on her phone. She offered a strained smile, lips pursed, but Yuri seemed too have taken it as a sign of agreement. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Thankfully I was single for my senior year of high school. But I can’t tell you how many of my friends’ relationships fell through because of university. I know it’s not much help, but you’re not alone.”

But Taeyeon wasn’t good at lying. “Eh…no, it wasn’t a boyfriend. She, uh…”, as indirect as she was being, she hoped Yuri would catch on.

“Oh, ‘she’. Best friend fallout? _That one_ , I had. Not this summer, though, it was during the school year. Amazing how years of friendship can fall through for the stupidest things, huh?”

The struggle in Taeyeon’s face was evident. Coming out to new people hadn’t gotten easier. Taeyeon was a fairly private person. Even after telling her parents, who had been understanding for the most part, she felt this irrational fear of Yuri not accepting her. They had gotten along seamlessly so far, and this could prove to be the one thing Yuri wouldn't be able to accept: one of the most defining facts about Taeyeon’s existence.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pried. You don’t have to tell me.” Yuri said, putting an arm around Taeyeon and giving her a small squeeze. She sounded legitimately sorry, and Taeyeon felt awful for making her feel that way. It wasn’t anything she didn’t want to or couldn’t talk about, but there was a hurdle she had to go over first and she had to find the best way to do it.

She took a deep breath. _She’ll find out eventually._

“No, no, no. It really isn’t that. Don’t be sorry, I’m being dumb about it.” Taeyeon bit her lip, and looked for the right words, which naturally wouldn’t come to her. “We uh…she wasn’t my best friend. We were…” she nervously traced a circle in the air with her finger, as if to draw some imaginary _‘I am gay, Yuri. I like girls.’_ sign. “We were…involved.”

Yuri turned her head towards Taeyeon, and retreated her arm. _Shit, that can’t be good_.

“Oh.” Yuri drew slowly. “ _Oh_ , I get it.”

Taeyeon couldn’t bring herself to look up. She knew she shouldn’t be embarrassed of it, but again, something about Yuri’s approval meant a great deal to her, and she couldn’t help but to feel it slipping away with every millisecond that passed. After what felt like an eternity, she heard Yuri take a long, quiet breath.

“Was she, uh…” Yuri said, eyebrows furrowed. “Was she hot?”

Taeyeon didn’t even will her head to snap in Yuri’s direction, but she did, eyebrows furrowed deeper than she thought humanly possible.

Yuri immediately panicked, raising her hands in the air, looking conflicted. “I-I’m not gay! Sorry, I just didn’t know what to say!”

Taeyeon wasn’t at all sure what to make of that. But, as it happened, she ended up bursting with the hideous laugh of hers, harder than she had laughed in a long time. To her enormous relief, Yuri had also started laughing just as hard as she was. Some of the other train passengers were looking in their direction, undoubtedly wondering what the two girls found so funny.

“I bet half of the people on this train think you like girls now, good job.” Taeyeon managed to whisper between laughing fits.

“Oh my god,” Yuri brought one hand to her mouth, barely containing her laughter. She slapped Taeyeon’s shoulder with her other hand. “Shut up! This is all your fault.”

As if on cue, the train reached their stop, and Taeyeon hopped to her feet. Yuri was cool with it. She felt like skipping.

“Come on, Yuri, the girls at the park are waiting,” she said, just a tad too loud.

“Oh my _god_. You. Stop that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Their first stop was the supermarket; they planned on getting some snacks for their trip to the park as well as some light grocery shopping for their dorm. As Taeyeon had partly expected, Yuri had quite a few questions in light of her new discovery.

“So, was this girl your first girlfriend?”

Taeyeon was browsing the supermarket aisle for the right kind of tea. Tiffany had been the first girl she had publicly called her _girlfriend_ , but she hadn’t been the only one. The memories flooded back to her, reminding her of just how much she wanted to get away from that life. She shivered. As she meticulously looked through the assortment, she thought on Yuri’s question.

“Hm…no, I guess not.” She said after some time. “I was sort of involved with a girl before that. She was a close friend of mine at the time we got together, but she never wanted to go public with our relationship. I guess I can’t blame her. No way her parents would’ve supported it. She was my first kiss though.”

“Awe!” Yuri squeaked. Taeyeon playfully rolled her eyes, throwing a box of tea in her basket.

“Yeah. The irony is that it was her who introduced me to Tiffany. My…actual ex.”

“Oh, ouch.” Yuri grimaced.

“Yeah. None of us knew she batted for _that_ team at the time, of course. I won’t get into the painful details now, but eventually Tiffany and I ended up together.”

“Tiffany.” Yuri said, making a face. “American?”

“Yup, she came from California.” Taeyeon said, eyes suspended in a memory. “She lived alone, supported fully by her dad, so you can imagine what a party she was.”

“Yikes.” Yuri said.

Exiting the supermarket, and making their way to the park a couple of blocks away, Yuri decided she ought to ask.

“So…what happened between you two?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not seeing eye-to-eye was an understatement. The truth was a lot more complicated, and a whole lot more painful than that. Tiffany Hwang was one of those girls Taeyeon had admired from afar since day one, when the newly-transferred American walked past her as Taeyeon made her way out of the bathroom at school. She was one of those girls that would be considered larger-than-life, and thus unattainable—more of a constant reminder for an angsty teenage Taeyeon of how cruel life could be to put such a creature on this Earth and not be able to have her.

But Taeyeon somehow, in some way, got Tiffany. And life suddenly took a hasty, dangerous, and completely irresistible turn for Taeyeon. She never noticed, but whatever primitive defence mechanisms and warning signs she had went completely out the window when Tiffany entered her life, and she allowed herself to be completely swept by the raging hurricane that was her first real love, without any concerns of what might happen if things didn’t work out.

And, of course, they didn’t. In the end, Tiffany couldn’t stand the things Taeyeon had that she didn’t. From a family that unconditionally supported her, to friends that would be there for her regardless of how bad things might get, Tiffany’s infallible jealousy of Taeyeon’s solid foundation overwhelmed her desire for her.

And so, after two years of smiles, laughs, first-times, and an unnecessary amount of fights, their relationship came to a bitter end.

Taeyeon cried herself to and out of sleep for weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What I want to know is,” Yuri said, voice muffled while she chewed on a mouthful of seaweed snacks. “Why are you two still talking?”

Taeyeon saw that coming. She bit her lip.

They were sitting on one of the benches at the park. It was now a bit past midday, and a pleasant sun showered them with afterthoughts of summer. The park was designed in such a way that it would provide the two girls and countless other frequenters with an unobstructed view of a one of the city’s most picturesque bridges. Taeyeon had drawn this exact bridge from this exact angle a great number of times, and still she found it easy to get lost in the grandeur of it all, like a spaceman admiring the Earth from the great void of space. An unwelcomed vibration from her cellphone snapped Taeyeon back to reality.

“I mean,” Yuri continued, more cautiously. “You guys didn’t leave things off in the best terms.”

“You’re right, we didn’t,” Taeyeon offered, taking some time to choose her words. “I guess that’s why I still talk to her. I feel like there’s a better way to end whatever it is we had.”

Yuri simply nodded, trying to find some reason in Taeyeon’s words. Taeyeon knew there wasn’t much of it. She was well-aware of how unhealthy continuing communication with Tiffany was, that the girl probably only talked to her still because she was lonely. But so was she. And that was just it.

“What I think,” Yuri said, breaking into a wide grin. “Is that we need to find you somebody else.”

“Oh _god_ no,” Taeyeon responded, trying not to laugh. “I don’t think I’ll be attracted to another human being for the rest of my life after that trauma.”

“Non-sense,” Yuri sang. She pulled herself closer to Taeyeon and looked around in a ridiculous, overdramatic way. “Who in our dorm do you find cute? I’ll find out if they’re into girls and set you up in no time. I’m an expert at this.”

“Okay, _definitely_ not. Setting up is out of the question.” Taeyeon waved her arms for added effect. “That-that’s not even how it works anyway!”

“Come on!” Yuri moaned. Taeyeon, stifling a smile, tried her best to glare at the girl. “At least tell me who you think is hot. There must be someone. You’re heartbroken, not blind.”

Taeyeon scoffed, eyes rolling, to which Yuri responded with another grin. She ignored, or tried her best to ignore, the fact that the girl from her writing class was the first person to come to mind. After a few classes of paying specially close attention to attendance, Taeyeon was fairly sure the girl’s name was Sooyeon. She had only been able to steal a few glances at her, for the girl almost always stayed in the back and seemed to have permanently repelled the professor’s attention (Taeyeon had secretly prayed that Sooyeon got called on in order to hear more of her voice, but somehow this had not happened yet). It was not something she would ever admit to Yuri at this point; she was supposed to be cooly unaffected by these things. And yet, she figured there would be no harm in asking if her roommate had ever heard of her. The other, more creepy details, she would keep to herself.

“Hmm, no. I can’t really say somebody has caught my eye yet,” she lied.

“You are such a liar,” Yuri teased, bringing her hand up to her mouth in thought. “What about that girl Seohyun, from the fifth floor? She’s adorable! Plus, I heard she flat-out rejected two guys who asked her out. That has to mean something.”

“Ah yes, kissass,” Taeyeon chuckled. Yuri, obviously unaware of Taeyeon’s nickname for the girl, looked confused. “She uh, she participates a lot in class.”

“So, not interested?”

“Well, she is a cutie, but I don’t think she’s necessarily my type. I do like her roommate though,” Taeyeon said, nodding suggestively.

“Oh god, Sooyoung? Not a chance. Boy crazy, you know that.”

“I know, I know,” Taeyeon laughed. “Doesn’t stop me from looking, though.”

“Oh my god.” Yuri responded, laughing along.

“By the way,” Taeyeon said, taking a chance. “Do you know anybody named Sooyeon?”

Yuri narrowed her eyes in thought. “Sooyeon? Hmm, no, I don’t think I do. Do you know her last name?”

“Ah, no, I don’t. That’s okay, then.”

“Why?” Yuri asked, suddenly a bit too curious.

“No reason.”

Yuri looked at Taeyeon for a few seconds, and then a most irritating smile crept up and stretched across her face. “Find out her last name. Oh yes, you better find out her last name.”

“Stop. It’s not like that. I was just—seriously stop looking at me like that. I’m going to kill you.”

But Taeyeon knew she would do everything to find out the girl’s last name. And she would do everything to ‘accidentally’ slip up in conversation and tell it to her roommate. And she would pretend to try to stop her roommate from finding everything about this Sooyeon, when that would be exactly what she wanted. This is how Taeyeon liked to operate. For better or for worse, she was always pretty damn aware of what she was getting herself into.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They took the express train back downtown at around 5 in the afternoon, immersed in frivolous conversation. Taeyeon could count the number of people she was able to talk so freely and carefree. Of course, she was no Soonkyu, but Taeyeon could not have asked for a better roommate, for Yuri gave off this sort of fresh air in which Taeyeon could forget about even the past. She didn’t think that this day could have more embodied the meaning of cleansing. They would get back to their dorm building, make a simple dinner, and maybe watch a movie in their floor’s common room with some other friends. She would call Soonkyu afterwards to tell her about it, maybe plan for a get-together with her once midterms were over and done with. Taeyeon tried to remember the last time she had such a relaxing Saturday, but she really couldn’t come up with such a memory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing that seemed off was the presence of a good number of police officers at their train station, which was located a few blocks from campus. Taeyeon noticed that as soon as they exited the train car, the officials gave them a long, hard look. Not at them, really, but more at their get-up, as if the girls were hiding some sort of secret within their light, late-summer clothing. Taeyeon gulped, but decided to continue walking past the officers with Yuri as if this was commonplace to her, as inconspicuous as possible. She felt Yuri walk closer to her. She felt just as, if not more, uncomfortable.

“Excuse me, miss? What do you ladies have in your bags?” a female officer asked, walking over to them.

Taeyeon feigned surprise as the officer approached, and opened her supermarket plastic bag to show the contents she had bought earlier, Yuri following suit. “Just some groceries, ma'am.”

The policewoman used her baton to comb through the bag’s contents, finding the girl’s statement to be true.

“Are you guys students at the university?” she asked, this time looking at Yuri, who looked visibly confused.

“Yes, ma’am,” Yuri responded, as firmly as she could muster.

The officer shot a quick glance at both girls, as if making a condemning judgement based on the way they had responded her questions. She pursed her lips, putting her baton away.

“Okay, carry on. If you run into any more police officers, just show them the contents of your bags, and you should not run into any problems.”

“Is everything okay, ma’am?” Taeyeon ventured. The woman shot her a suspicious glance, but Taeyeon couldn’t for the life of her figure out why. She had done nothing wrong.

“Everything’s fine. You ladies take care.” the officer shot back, face devoid of any expression, and walked back to her partners.

Yuri and Taeyeon walked up the stairs and out of the station, trading confused faces.

“That was…weird.” Yuri said.

“That’s one way to put it. I wonder what happened.” Taeyeon said, anxiety welling up at the bottom of her stomach. Something _had_ to have happened.

“Maybe somebody got mugged in the train,” Yuri offered, to which Taeyeon just shrugged. She suddenly had this urgency to get back to her room as soon as possible.

But it didn’t end there. For every step the girls took towards campus, the number of police officers increased. Nearby traffic was at a complete standstill, with dozens of exhausted commuters uselessly sounding their horns with hopes to get home. Half-subconsciously, both girls’ began walking faster, a product of both their want to be home and safe, and of their undeniable curiously.

And then they saw them.

They saw the two rows of men, outfitted in full riot gear, guarding the entrance of the university’s main square. Next to them, two steady lines of students queued in order to be let in and out, with a couple of the men checking through each of the students’ bags. The sun had now lowered into the cityscape’s horizon, drowning behind dark frames of metal, casting an eerie orange glow on the whole scene. To Taeyeon, the whole thing felt like something out of a movie, or a bad dream.

“Oh god, I forgot.” Yuri gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth.

Taeyeon turned to her. “What?”

“There was supposed to be a big rally today, you know, part of the protests? They were supposed to have a sit-in at the big clock tower hall, where the auditorium is. Some of my friends from class were going to go.”

Taeyeon turned her gaze at the group of students being searched, and wondered what could have possibly happened in order to call for such drastic security measures. The protests had been, for the most part, peaceful.

“I hope your friends are okay,” Taeyeon said, sincerely, then signalled to the queue with a turn of her head. “We better get in line, there’s no other real way to the dorms.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come look at this,” Yuri said, eyes glued to her laptop screen.

Taeyeon came over and looked over Yuri’s shoulder at her laptop, which displayed a blurry picture, as if taken by moving hands. It showed a number of people, maybe ten, with both hands raised and placed against the wall of a building. Behind them, a group of officers in riot gear pointed in an indistinct direction. Most of the people with their hands on the wall sported those crimson armbands, and wore mostly all black.

“Was that taken today?”

“That’s what it says online,” Yuri responded, sucking both her lips in.

Taeyeon read the caption directly under the picture. The poster claimed the picture was taken earlier today, just as the peaceful rally was about to begin, when suddenly riot police was called in to break up the masses. A number of ominous hashtagged messages finished the caption, calling for justice for the students searched and arrested.

Taeyeon frowned. _Arrested_?

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” Yuri yelled. A blonde girl opened the door and peeked inside. Taeyeon recognised her: Hyoyeon, their RA who lived down the hall.

“Hey guys, sorry to bother you,” she said.

“Hey Hyo,” Yuri smiled, Taeyeon following suit along with a wave. “No worries, you can come in. What’s up?” The girl slipped inside, closing the door.

“Do you guys by any chance have a sleeping bag? Or at least some extra blankets or pillows?”

“I have both, yeah,” Yuri said, getting up and walking towards the closet. “You having someone over?”

“Sorta,” Hyoyeon said with a sigh, turning her head towards the door. “Jessica’s crashing here tonight. I don’t want her to leave with the police still out on campus.”

“They’re still there?” Taeyeon asked.

Hyoyeon nodded, lips pursed, exhaling loudly through her nose. Taeyeon turned towards the window, trying to see if she could spot them.

“Is Jessica okay? She was supposed to be at the rally.” Yuri asked, handing Hyoyeon a rolled up sleeping bag.

“Yeah, she’s fine. Well, I should say, she’s _physically_ fine. But she’s royally pissed. You know how she is about these things. She would have gone out and spit at each of those guards if I hadn’t forced her to stay here.”

Yuri reached up to the top shelf of their closet and brought down a couple of blankets and a pillow.

“Tae, you wanna help me with the pillow?” Yuri asked, shouldering the blankets.

“Yeah, of course,” Taeyeon responded, and the three girls made their way down to Hyoyeon's room, a few doors down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I mean, that was not one squadron, but at least four or five of them. What the hell do they think they’re doing sending in riot police to a _peaceful_ rally? I should have known they would do it again.”

“I’m just happy you were able to get away before you got arrested. You need to be more careful, Jessica.”

“Yeah, _I_ got away. They got almost all the organisers. I don’t even know if Yoona is okay, she hasn’t responded to my texts yet. I think she got away as well, I don’t know. Ugh, I dragged her out there.”

“I’m sure she’s fine, Jess. They seemed to mostly go after people wearing the armbands. She’s probably on her way to you guys’ apartment.”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna try getting a hold of—oh god wait, she’s calling, hold on. Hey! Are you okay?”

Taeyeon watched the blonde make her way out of Hyoyeon's room, phone in hand. She should have honestly seen this coming, she thought, given her luck. Of course Yuri knew her, but of course she went by another name. Of course she would be staying in Hyoyeon's room tonight, to which she would be asked to bring a pillow to. Of course she had been too stupefied to offer any sort of intelligent input when everybody gathered in a circle with the girl while she rambled about what happened today. She probably looked like an idiot, Taeyeon was sure. She couldn’t help it, she really just didn’t know what to say. She wanted so badly to say something to her, but talking to perfectly-neutral Taeyeon was probably the last thing Jessica wanted to do right then. She wasn’t exactly going to sweep her off her feet with her anti-drama and staying-out-of-sight policies.

“You okay, Tae?” Yuri said, lightly patting her on the back, snapping Taeyeon back to reality.

“I…y-yeah, I’m fine,” Taeyeon stuttered out.

Yuri looked at her, eyebrows furrowed, and followed the direction Taeyeon had been looking at. It, of course, led to the door that had been left ajar by Jessica, giving Taeyeon a clear view of the girl talking quietly on her cellphone. Taeyeon felt the heat rise up to her cheeks. She didn’t even bother denying anything.

“Wow, you must have a thing for Americans,” Yuri whispered, looking amused.

Taeyeon snapped her head in Yuri’s direction. She lightly shook her head, hoping Yuri was kidding, to which her roommate responded with a couple of nods, looking even more amused.

“We should ask her if she wants to sleep in our room instead,” Yuri said, wiggling her eyebrows. “I bet you _loved_ hearing her all heated up.”

Taeyeon would’ve probably launched herself at Yuri right then and then if the blonde hadn’t reentered the room, drawing a loud sigh of relief, retaking Taeyeon’s attention immediately.

“She’s fine, her phone died. She made it back to apartment safely.”

“Okay, that’s really good to know,” Hyoyeon sighed. “Now will you calm down? I can’t have you starting another rally in the building.” Jessica just made a face, dropping on Hyoyeon's bed.

Taeyeon couldn’t peel her eyes off her. She was wearing a set of light pyjamas that were a tad too big for her, probably an extra set of Hyoyeon's, and her hair was tied up in a hasty bun. Taeyeon thought that, under the same circumstances, she herself would’ve looked like a mess. Jessica, however, managed to pull even exhaustion off with a grace Taeyeon did not think possible. She remembered reading once about certain people having a special effect on everything when they were in the room. Taeyeon couldn’t figure out what it was, but she swore she felt a pull of gravity emanating from Jessica, wholly swallowing her attention the way a black hole would invariably swallow light.

A warning sign went off in her head. She knew that feeling.

“You’re in my writing class, right?”

Taeyeon remembered where she was. She had spaced out, and she had been staring straight at Jessica.

“O-oh, I don’t know. Who is your professor?” Like she didn’t know.

“Professor Ahn. The ‘Writing the College Essay’ class,” Jessica responded, eyes not quite on Taeyeon’s face but on her entire body. She felt the heat on her face now more than ever.

“Yeah! I’m in that class. Sorry, I’m usually so spaced out that early, I must’ve not seen you,” Taeyeon offered with a laugh. _Oh my god, Taeyeon, What are you saying?_

“Hm,” Jessica said, bringing her eyes back up to Taeyeon’s. “Could I get your notes from last class? I wasn’t there for most of it.” Taeyeon hated that she had noticed Jessica had come late.

Hyoyeon snorted. “Since when do you care about classnotes?”

“Ever since you stopped minding your own business,” Jessica retorted, with a smirk that Taeyeon liked a little too much. “If you haven’t noticed, Hyo, the reason I am staying here tonight is because I care about being able to take classnotes. So, would that be okay with you…?”

“Taeyeon. Kim Taeyeon,” she quickly responded, managing her best smile.

Jessica smiled, eyes remaining sharp and on her. “Thanks, Taeyeon. I’ll come and get them tomorrow before I leave.”

“Sure, I’ll be around all day tomorrow,” Taeyeon swore she could feel Yuri’s eyes on her, but she did her best to ignore them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Closing their room’s door, Yuri shot Taeyeon an enormous grin, white teeth in full display. Taeyeon rolled her eyes, but simply couldn’t hold back laughing any more.

“I’ll make sure I’m gone for the entire day tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’ll let you work your magic.”

Yuri had just enough time to dodge the pillow thrown at her.

 

 


End file.
